


After Nathema

by commanderlurker



Series: Cats, the V is silent [16]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 10:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20776865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commanderlurker/pseuds/commanderlurker
Summary: Lana forces Cats and Theron to talk about Theron's undercover mission with the Order of Zildrog, and the state of their relationship.Set after the Nathema Conspiracy.(Though this fic doesn't end on a happy note, their relationship will recover eventually)





	After Nathema

Cats may not be a Jedi or Sith, but she can still sense Lana’s presence. It’s the cadence of her boots on the walkway. She pretends she can’t hear her, furrows her brow in concentration, and only looks up from her data pad when Lana’s so close she can’t ignore her.

“Theron is ready for visitors now. Come on, let’s see what he has to say for himself,” Lana says.

“You go on ahead. I need to finish this report.”

“You’re playing holo sabacc.”

Damn. Caught. Cats gives Lana her best puppy eyes but Lana just scowls. “Fine. I’m coming.”

She takes a deep breath. It’s been four days since they returned from Nathema with a near-dead Theron and she still doesn’t know what she’s going to say.

*

No one wants to be here. Least of all Cats, that much is obvious. She hasn’t even looked at Theron. Or said more than two words. Her arms are folded and she’s grinding her teeth. Theron can hear it when there’s a silence. There’s a lot of silence.

They’ve gone through all the small talk, all that ‘How are you feeling?’ crap. (Physically, he’s exhausted. Mentally… he’s shut himself off from feeling anything. Can’t risk opening that can just yet but Cats is here, in front of him, and his resolve is slipping.) On Lana’s request Theron gives a verbal report, starting at the start. The very start. From the furtive conversation with Indo Zal on Zakuul, his early investigations into the Order of Zildrog, their manifesto, their aims, their purpose, to his discovery that the Alliance was being monitored somehow. He talks for as long as he can, stopping for water to clear his throat. Cats doesn’t look at him. Not even once, not even when he talks about Iokath, or when he comes to the part where Atrius demanded Theron betray her. Lana’s face is unreadable. As interrogations go, this is tame. So why does it hurt worse than anything Revan threw at him?

“By the time I found out their surveillance limitations, it was too late. If I’d found out sooner, I would’ve told you, both of you. But Gemini Sixteen… you know what Scorpio was like.”

“When did you find out?” Lana asks.

Theron swallows. “We were already on our way to Nathema. Atrius wouldn’t stop his proselytising and I’d had enough of listening, so I offered to do surveillance of Odessen, ostensibly to make sure you hadn’t figured out our plans. Gemini Sixteen never wanted to give me direct access, but this time Atrius overruled her. I’d tried to get access before, but Sixteen--she was the biggest threat to my cover. I couldn’t push her. So that was the first time I had access, and I went through everything, every channel. The war room, the cantina, the corridors, the hangar, the force enclave, Dr Oggurobb’s lab, all the sleeping quarters and ‘freshers. She had eyes and ears everywhere. Except the _Majestic Princess_.” He looks at Cats, inches his hand in her direction. “If I’d known… If--”

“So you’d already left the listening post?” Lana asks.

Theron nods. Lana’s expression softens. He pulls his hand back. The aching, hollow misery he’d felt then knots again in his chest and stomach. That, that had been his lowest moment. All he’d had to do was call Cats and Lana to the _Majestic Princess_ right at the start and he could’ve avoided all of this. So simple. So… stupid.

He swallows, his throat thick. “I’d done everything I could. I had to trust you’d follow me. And then to find out I’d missed such a basic--” He chokes up. Cats and Lana wobble as his eyes tear up.

“You're home now. That’s all that matters,” Lana whispers.

And now the Alliance is in ruins. No allies died, so they’re counting that as a win. He keeps telling himself it would’ve been worse. A lot worse. Saying this out loud wouldn’t be prudent, so he holds his tongue.

Lana blows out a long breath. “Write all this up. Everything. We tried to keep the reason for your disappearance quiet, but you attracted enemies.”

Therons nods. He adds bounty hunters to the list of people he’s going to have to avoid.

“We’ve lost our position in galactic politics. I imagine the Empire and the Republic will double down on their war efforts,” Lana says. “We may need to consider who we’ll support when the time comes…”

Cats shrugs. Lana waits. Theron hold his breath.

“I can't. Not yet,” Cats mumbles.

“Whatever you want from me, Cats.” Lana smiles. Actually smiles. She’s not leaving. Even if Cats throws her lot in with the Republic, Lana's not leaving. That gives Theron hope. He lets out a sigh, then steels himself, sucks in a breath.

“I’ll stay,” he says. “If you’ll have me.”

Lana looks to Cats. Cats’ face screws up.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Lana says, getting up.

Cats looks at her, a half-objection catches, but Lana’s out the door. Cats doesn’t look at Theron. She rubs her hands on her pants and looks everywhere but at him. Theron’s heart sinks. Before Cats can bring herself to break his heart completely, he’s got to give himself one chance. He takes her hand. She doesn’t resist. Her palm is sweaty and sticky. She’s still not looking at him.

“Cats. I love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I didn’t mean any of the words I said on that train. It was all an act. You know that, right?”

She blinks wide and slow. Her jaw works. He squeezes her hand the best he can.

He swallows. “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did, or how I did it. I… I know I don’t deserve it… but can you give your idiot spy boyfriend one more chance?” This is it. This is the best he can do. The rest is up to Cats.

Cats pulls her hand away and shakes her head. Tears roll down her cheeks. She sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. Theron’s heart rips wide open.

“I can’t,” she whispers. “I can’t.”

Tears prick in Theron’s eyes. “I… understand.”

“No you don’t!” Cats yells. Her voice bounces off the walls. She finally makes eye contact. Theron forces himself to meet her rage. “If you did, you never would have done this! I don't _care _what you say, you would’ve done it another way, found a way to tell me. Anything--anything but what you did. What you said--your message--You didn’t _think_, did you? You went out on your own because that’s what you do, but we’re a team. _All _of us.”

“I’m sorry.” It comes out as a whisper.

Cats cries heaving great sobs, like she’s pouring the ocean into Theron’s chest. “You don’t know...you don’t…. Darmas...He...I trusted him too. Everything you’ve done… everything we had… Iokath, Theron. You started this way back then. That _fucking planet_ _almost killed me_.”

“I know. I know, I know...” He starts crying in big ugly hiccups made worse by shame and embarrassment. Was saving the Alliance really worth destroying the most important person in his life? It seemed so at the time, months ago. But now…

They cry, but not together. They’re alone in their pain. Theron can’t begin to understand what he’s done. He realises that, now. Too late. Much too late.

“I had to make Bowdaar and Akaavi promise not to kill you. Risha keeps asking why I haven’t done it yet,” Cats says. Theron blinks the tears away to glance at her hips. She’s carrying her blasters. “I’ve wanted to. Ever since Umbara I’ve dreamed about it. But now you’re back, and--I said technically you didn’t betray me. It wasn’t real. But it was.” Her voice ends on a squeak. “It would’ve been better if you had betrayed me. It would’ve been easier… I… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I can’t kill you. I can’t send you away. But I can’t look at you, either.” She shudders and looks up at the ceiling. “I still love you.”

“I never stopped loving you.”

Cats wipes her face on her shirt. She stands. “I’ve got to go.”

Theron reaches out, but thinks better of it. “I’ll be here, however you need me.”

Cats nods. She looks like she’s going to say something else. But she doesn’t. She turns and leaves, the door sliding closed.

Theron lets out a long, anguished cry, and wishes she had killed him.


End file.
